im holdin on tryin to be somebody

When will my eyes turn their site
stop searchin in my past
and make a future path
just want to move forward
not back
i just want to be forgiven
i just want to keep liven...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9G_nrUySJ0&feature=relmfu

RANT BITCH RANT

ALL this talk is makin me dizzy...
people talk so much they cant see where they're walking...
right in to a wall of self doubt,self loathing and depression.
they hide behind their false identities that they have squandered from their short time on this earth.
They have not yet felt the human power of will and perseverance.
the magic of self acceptance.
they crumble and quake at the site of a free people...
They fear what they see in the mirror, they fear what they see outside.
They attack those legit few who have a glimmer of hope.
the power of self awareness, self worth and self love.
they fear those who they cannot relate too.

ex:
Why is she so happy- everyone hates her?
Why dont we see her anymore- i bet shes scared of us.
im gonna tell stories i made up or restrung the words of, to make myself feel better.
because if i put her down- i am above her.
^
this is me.
im speaking out as an example.
an example to myself.
where i used to squeam and squirm away from facing my biggest fear...
me.
i now quake at the site of the light that shines through my heart and soul and blinds me in my reflection.
its glorious.
and its something i wish i could share with you all.
but sadly for most of the world.
they will forever drown in their self doubt- self pity/ and never truly experience how it feels to be free of fear.
they will never learn that to Forgive...
Is to Forgive yourself.
and to love is to love you. and you the most.

Instead they hide behind the spider webs weaved by liars and haters and discriminators.
bullies.
fear mongrels.
hateful Bogarts
where they allow themselves to absorb others insecurities.
and nest in their sess pool of impurity.
false or forced "perfection"
following along to feel accepted.
because they cant accept themselves.
drowning themselves.
deep
so deep that eventually they assimilate
in to one mass conglomerate (think the Borg- StarTrek... google it dink.)
of utterly and completely
selfish- miserable- zombies.
...




SO i guess...
suck it haters.
ur a sad case of bad blues tunes.
buy your booze
buy your drugs
your material goods
your fancy houses, gizmos n gadgets.
you will never be happy if you continue to lie to yourself like this.
hide behind  your masks.
and i hope your spine shivers when you see how far I've come.
And that the view from my behind still looks this hot,
As you watch me walking into the metaphorical sunrise,
of my open mind.

my life is a circus, and i'm not laughing. 

seeking a shallow spot, away from the lime light,

one where i can slip away to think,but still sneak a peek at the world from your view.

Misfortune, of mine; how you are so abundant. 

You run rampant on my world.

And take nest within my soul.

why can't we break things off, and bask in the sunshine.

i want to take baby steps, that are more like wide leaps. 

over the stages, pot holes, the trip ups of this internal grief.

why me? i ask. what have i done? 

to turn into this shady mind, that turns and turns then runs.

i wish i could figure out just how to fight.

but instead i keep thinking when day turns to night. 

i just wanna win this war. i just want some peace. 

but then if i really did find it... 

would i still be me?

sittin lookin pretty. 

in love with the enemy. 

fates got the best of me.

the truth is so heavenly. 

breaks out the ketamine. 

invests in a lucid dream. 

finds out its not what it seems. 

breathes.

frustrated

why me?
why not you?
hold up rewind it,
let me reassign it,
let the beat bind it,
break it down, refine it.
why- when i'm walking to the store,
the rain it starts to poor,
nevermind the bore,
but really,
why- when i'm talkin to a guy,
i get caught in a lie,
the things he wanna try,
they make me wanna cry,
why- when i wanna get an education,
i lack the motivation,
cause i ain't got the bacon,
people of the street what i'm sayin,
why- when i want to get a job,
i'm put out like a slob,
left feeling like a knob,
forcin me to trick and rob,
why- when i really wanna smile,
i'm left at the aisle,
mascara runnin wild,
he leavin in denile,
cheatin lyin beatin all the while.
 
why does it seem,
its always happening to me,
the things you see on the big screen,
the epic fall from fame,
down the walk of shame,
and when i try to go on,
people yellin and they yawn,
tell me i got my stories all wrong,
why- why must you lie-
you cheat and you cry,
you make me wanna die-
why?
cuz you be,
stressin me,
incessantly,
when i can only be,
the best of my ability,
workin hard at what i got,
dodgin all your shots,
almost, maybe, well u know i forgot,
about. me.